Significant Other

• Chocolate Starfish And The Hot

That's it hope it was useful. Reviews on the rest of the Limp albums coming soon!

In the classroom, that is. In the high school parking lot, however, M.L. exhibited a commitment to excellence that even today remains the stuff of legends. For four long years, he patrolled the perimeter of our schoolyard during the hour after school ended with a vengeance that bordered on the maniacal. The original poster child for roid-rage, M.L.'s single-minded goal was to take out whatever frustrations had been visited upon him inside school that day on any poor sap who ventured outside the school and couldn't defend himself.

Red-haired, freckle-faced, and unequivocally nerdy, 'Rudy' couldn't have been an easier target. It really was just a matter of time before M.L. made Rudy's acquaintance some day...

It was a beautiful spring afternoon and Rudy had just emerged triumphant from an Olympics of the Mind meeting at which he had starred as usual. Riding the emotional high that can only come from having constructed a functional drawbridge in under five minutes from toothpicks, toilet paper, and twine, Rudy strode confidently into the parking lot to await the activity bus. Before your emotional investment in him becomes too strong, however, I should warn you that Rudy was not entirely a sympathetic character. For instance, in one fabled conversation with my friend Cynthia, Rudy explained in no uncertain terms that "women have no place in science". The next day, Rudy returned to our lunch table and told Cynthia he regretted his comments from the previous day and wanted to amend them. "I'm sorry," he began, "Women do have a place in science - as secretaries." Rudy guffawed heartily and strode away. Bested by Rudy, Cynthia could do nothing but sit there rigidly teeming with rage.

So Rudy wasn't perfect. But did he really deserve the abuse he was about to receive from M.L. in the parking lot on that fateful day? I'll let you decide.

So, as I was saying, it was a lovely spring afternoon when Rudy parked himself on one of the garish stone benches positioned out front of our school and buried his nose in a book while awaiting the activity bus. Little did he know that in the distance, a savage predator had already fixed his gaze upon him. With a mixture of stealth and cunning normally observed only in the larger felids, M.L. approached his quarry from behind, emerging only once Rudy no longer had time to escape. When he finally spotted M.L. just a few feet away, Rudy could do nothing but muster a weak smile and offer a meek, "Hi M.L.."

M.L. seemed to relish the look of fear he saw in Rudy's eyes and the quiver in his voice. This was going to be almost too easy. M.L. had to admit to himself that lately, the beatings he'd been dishing out had begun to bore him. He needed to add some variety to his increasingly stale repertoire. Just as he began to worry that he was losing his killer instinct, M.L. came up with what seemed to him a brilliant idea. He said to himself, "Hey, instead of kicking his (behind) myself, why don't I make Rudy kick his own (behind)? Man, would that be cool!"

His sense of determination came rushing back to him and M.L. calmly went to work executing his dastardly deed. M.L. engaged Rudy in small talk while simultaneously gently grasping Rudy's hand and molding it into a fist. However, this was not the beginning of a homoerotic encounter. As M.L. continued whispering sweet nothings, he repeatedly forced Rudy's fist to pummel his own face. "Why are you hurting yourself", pleaded M.L., "Rudy, I'm your friend. I want to help you."

But the only thing M.L. helped Rudy accomplish that day was a self-inflicted barrage of fists to the face.

You may be wondering why I'm recounting this story in a review of Limp Bizkit's Significant Other. The answer is that Limp Bizkit remind me a lot of M.L. Plodding and dimwitted yet occasionally creative. High school would have been a whole lot different for Mark and like-minded mooks if Limp Bizkit had existed back in the late 80s. I can just imagine M.L. forcing Rudy to shout "Like a chump!" as fist met face, while M.L. provided the "Hey!" Or M.L. cranking "Break Stuff" while breaking stuff. Or even exclaiming, "It's all about the he said, she said BS" in response to assault allegations following his first "date". Still, though several songs are not without merit, Significant Other's mean-spirited, lazy lyrics would have had to have eventually become tiresome to all but the most ardent mook.

Rudy eventually became an aerospace engineer and has authored at least one book. I have no idea what happened to M.L. though it's probably safe to say he's probably not a published author. If anyone is still bobbing his head and smiling as Significant Other blasts from his headphones, though, it's probably M.L.

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