Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

Product Details

Author : Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Md Mate
Binding : Paperback
EAN : 9780676974720
Number of Pages : 320
Product Group : Book
Publication Date : 2005-05-10
Publisher : Vintage Canada
Release Date : 2005-05-10

ASIN : 0676974724

Customers who bought this goods also bought.

Customer Reviews

Why Good Writing Matters (2008-07-16)

I attended a full day presentation by Gordon Neufeld where he crammed the practical information into the last half hour. I purchased the book hoping to review his ideas at a more leisurely pace. The book was written like a university lecture. And like the presentation the practical information was crammed to the back of the book-- this is where you should start your reading. While I do not agree with everything he writes he has some good ideas.

A Timely Message (2008-04-07)

Gordon Neufeld, a prominent Canadian child psychologist, has written a very timely and informative book on why and how parents should attempt to stay connected with their children right into adulthood. He believes many children have become socially endangered by the questionable relationships they foster with their peers at the expense of their parents. According to Neufeld, it is absurd to think that an immature teenager can derive personal security from fostering friendships with other equally immature peers. Hence, making friends with one's peers is not a high priority in Neufeld's thinking, However, the concept of filial attachment - the effective bond between parent and son or daughter - is the critical core of Neufeld's thesis. It is incumbent on parents to learn how to direct and nuture their children to eventually becoming mature adults. To that end, he offers some very practical ideas by which Mom and Dad can effectively offset or counter any negativity or immaturity arising from peer orientation. There is plenty of evidence out there to show that this generation of children/teens (Y) are rapidly disconnecting with parents and family in a misguided effort to assert its own independence. More than ever before, the casualties from this mad rush for freedom is a growing number of teen-age pregnancies, a greater incidence of sexually transmitted diseases,and a rising tide of youth violence. In this book, Neufeld shares not only the practical intervention strategies that allow parents to reconnect with their children, but also the wisdom and compassion that is needed to make sure they happen. Kudos to Neufeld for leading the way in offering hope to parents who feel powerless to help their struggling child. The one caveat here is that any solution that Neufeld may offer comes with a large demand on one's time to rebuild the broken bridges and cisterns. This doesn't mean that parents are given a blank check to manipulate and control their chldren's lives. Such extensive dominance can have an equally disastrous effect as having no influence at all. Moderation, persistence, and wisdom are the secrets to being successful in saving your child from a life of misery and disorientation.

Amazing Thought Provoking Book (2008-04-07)

Last summer I picked up Hold On To Your Kids. Quite honestly, it has taken me a while to get through it (finally did today!). Part One The Phenomenon of Peer Orientation was fascinating. Part Two Sabotaged: How Peer Orientation Undermines Parenting scared the crap out of me. Part Three Stuck in Immaturity: How Peer Orientation Stunts Healthy Development was a tough read as Neufeld regurgitated the same points from part one & two with just a slightly different theme, though I still highly recommend reading this part. Part Four How to Hold On To Our Kids (How to Reclaim Them) was inspiring and motivating for raising children in a loving parent-child bond while providing gentle discipline. Part Five Preventing Peer Orientation gives great advice on how to avoid an overabundance of peer-peer socialization, however a lot of it is common sense which many parents could formulate after reading the previous chapters. Basically, Neufeld & Mate feel we're in a state of crisis concerning our children. Children are bonding with their peers, putting them first. We're letting our children be raised by other children. Children need adults to show them correct morals and values on how to become a good human being. Children do not learn that from their peers. Adults, mainly parents, grandparents, and teachers, provide unconditional love, while peer bonds usually have many conditions.In his book, Neufeld & Mate give the reader many wonderful tools to use to help create the parent-child attachment (part four). Basically, be attentive, connect, be supportive, offer unconditional love, and guide instead of dictate.

Great message, BUT.... (2007-04-16)

I purchased this book after attending a 2 hour lecture by Mr. Neufeld which was a huge eye opener and was profound enough to change how I parent.This book has an impactful message, focusing on cultivating a connected relationship with your child and insight into the negative impact that occurs when children become more connected to their peers than their parents. Read all the 5 star reviews to find out about the good side of this book BUT- here is the downside- as much as I appreciated the message, this book is not an easy read and I am a true die hard reader of non-fiction books (esp. parenting books!) Had I not attended the lecture I never would have persevered through to finish the book. It felt to me that the author was more focused on proving his theory to other scholars rather than relating to the average parent. I love to pass on books that have made a difference in my life, yet I know this one would sit half read on my friends night stands due to the fact that it was too long, too wordy, and points were repeated to the point of being redundant. In terms of message I rate this book a 5 star, because of how it was written I must give it a 3 star rating.

Hold on to Your Kids (2005-08-28)

Top notch!

If you have ever wondered why new concepts in parenting seem wrong to you (time-outs, peer pressure, day 'un'care etc) this book is for you. It might shake the foundations upon which you have based your ideas but it will also give you pause and give you confidence in things you felt were wrong and right about child rearing.

Not a 'how to' book (imagine our parents or grandparents needing such a thing)

Look for similar items by category

• Subjects > Parenting & Families > Parenting

Related Link